Do You Think Your Dating Standards Are Too High?

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When I talk to other singles, I often hear them say "I am single because I am too picky" or "my standards are too high." And when I ask them to tell me more about it, I find nothing unusually high about their standards. My suspicion tells me that there truly is nothing wrong with their standards. The real problem is their inner critic or the voice in their head that judges their own standards.

Whether you are aware of it or not, this self-talk is happening inside your head every time you step out of your comfort zone. It's sole purpose is to protect you from being rejected, getting hurt or feeling uncomfortable. It also wants to control the outcome of your experience, it wants you to be in a relationship and hurry up because your time is supposedly running out. That's why it sounds like a nagging parent who says "When are you going to find someone? You are not getting any younger, you know..." Then it starts looking for all the things that are supposedly wrong with you and tell you that perhaps you are being too picky.

The unfortunate truth about this mindset is that it will not get you into a relationship faster. Instead it will actually sabotage you. It will keep you stuck even further because a part of you will try to resist it by your unwillingness to settle.

On the other hand, you may actually fall in love with someone who is not good for you and in a way will try to justify it by saying that you are not being picky this time. You may even subconsciously seek partners who have low self esteem because your belief is telling you they will be more likely to go for someone like you. It is not typical for people to fall in love with someone who is too good for them. It would be too high of a risk of rejection and our ego is rarely capable of allowing us for this to happen. Our ego may believe that we are not good enough and try to find all the reasons to tell us why, and it does so to protect us. But it cannot stand the idea of being with someone we feel inferior to.

My point is, when it comes to love, your standards cannot possibly be too high. Your heart is either in it or it is not. And if your heart is not feeling it for someone who seems to be a great person, don't judge yourself, move on.

Copyright (c) 2010 Katherine Bouglai
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